What's In a Name?

BLACK PORN [pr: Blak Pawrn] - adjective, noun:

You shouldn't be the kind of band that fucks around a whole lot, with a name like this. Ideally, you should have a gimmicky line up. Like only having two band members, and the drummer is the lead singer, like THIS defunct whirl-wind of a band. Your musical credibility should be able to stand on its own merit, and create a sense of enigma...because good luck having your fans try to google and find your info with a name like "Black Porn". Then again, this dilemma could create a good buzz for you, giving your fans an opportunity to chastise their peers and appear elite. They can proclaim things like, "You HAVEN'T heard of BLACK PORN?!"

BROOKLYN [pr: Brook-lin] - noun:

Geography can help you out, if you're stuck in finding a suitable band name. You don't even have to be from that place, if you don't want to. Just ask BOSTON, EUROPE, BERLIN, MIAMI SOUND MACHINE, BEIRUT, CHICAGO, EARLIMART, or THE OHIO Players. Since there's a bevy of parents who've annoyingly named their children 'Brooklyn', and probably have never even been there, its time to for a band to assume this moniker. Maybe you can book a gig with fellow NY reference band HARLEM?

RUNYON CANYON [pr: ruhn-yuhn kan-yuhn] - noun, noun

In keeping with geographical location themes, you should be from L.A. (doesn't have to be originally) ideally, to represent this locale for your band name. For those of you who aren't familiar, Runyon Canyon is a historical L.A. park where you can find that demographic of Los Angelenos that make you question "whether or not they are actually employed?" on any given weekday. Great place for hiking, walking your dog, and being seen. As a band, you're probably going to be in the vein of a Nickelback, Three Doors Down, or anything else we deem un-listenable. The bright side? Those bands get all the chicks!

YEAH, BUT NO [pr: jɛə buht noh] - adverb, conjunction, adverb

This band should consist of a married couple. Music is completely acoustic only. You will release a b-sides album, with bonus material comprised mostly of recorded arguments between songs, because there is nothing worse than listening to a married couple have an argument. You will be the supporting act to fellow cohabitant acts likes Mates of State, and Matt & Kim.